by Erik Childress
If Gene Rayburn were to ask the following question on the Match Game – “The year of 2001 was such a bad year for movies that I wasn’t surprised that I could go to the concession stand and order a (blank) burger.” – the top three answers given would be “shit”, “crap” and “turd”. To be sure, 2001 the movie year of our space odyssey didn’t explore vast new worlds or bring new life to the cinema, but instead recycled the same plots, same characters and same cliches faster than you can say “My God, it’s full of (blank)!” Why the fascination with excrement you may ask? Simply because this year a record number of people in the movies were covered, sprayed and stepped in the Baby Ruth-like bodily function (both in solid and liquid forms) and that includes audiences everywhere.
Sure, box office records were broken and summer tallies were up and winter numbers were huge, but even the so-called blockbuster hits suffered from an aftertaste of Wild Wild West/Batman and Robin syndrome. The Mummy Returns made over $200 million, but I only know three people (including myself) who enjoyed the film. Same goes for Pearl Harbor, Tomb Raider and Jurassic Park III. Lots of money but little-to-no praise. Perhaps people are embarrassed to admit their delectation towards titles of that nature.
As always though, even on the cloudiest of days (or years), a few rays of sunshine do manage to peek through. Normally, I find myself upset that I have to leave several great films off my Top Ten List. This year, I had to struggle to find Ten that were worthy. Struggle so much did I that I found myself including an 11th title on the list that doesn’t exactly qualify, but was as good as anything I saw in theaters this year. So yes, this one goes to 11, but by making a somewhat Top 11* list, I’m happy (and fortunate) to say that the mission was accomplished and poop-free.
10. Donnie Darko – Were was the support for this movie? Sure, it was low budget and perhaps destined for the art houses, but did the studio not know what they had? It was gone after two weeks in Chicago and I had to hunt it down on the Internet to see it. This beautifully strange science fiction/teenage angst film marked a wonderful debut from writer/director Richard Kelly. In 1988, Donnie Darko (Jake Glyllenhall) is given information by a giant rabbit about the impending end of the world (nearly coinciding with the election of George Bush). This sparks his imagination to the concept of time travel as he begins to make connections to those he’s isolated and sniff out the phonies of the establishment. Reminded me a lot of my own high school experience actually (without the time travel and rabbit). Funny, scary and ultimately moving. With a cast that includes Drew Barrymore, Patrick Swayze, Mary McDonnell, Jena Malone and Noah Wyle, this is a film worth looking for when it hits video stores. New Market studio execs are going to be smacking their heads when this winds up on a lot of top ten and awards lists.
9. Amelie – Imagine Clueless meets Ally McBeal with French people and I’ll show you a film that imagines much more than that. From the director of The City of Lost Children comes this beautifully sweet tale of a hopeful romantic (Audrey Tautou) who is able to intertwine the lives of other lovelorn souls that she knows, but is unable to do anything for herself. The opening prologue alone is worth the price of admission and the humor never let up. In a year when so many films dealt with the darker side of "dreams vs. reality" – we're finally offered a cinematic dream that we'd rather not wake from.
8. The Others – This is the best ghost story to come to theaters in years. An old-fashioned haunted house thriller with a perfect setup, a scary middle and a knockout of a climax. Forget Moulin Rouge – this is the Nicole Kidman performance of the year as a mother in post-WWII trying to teach her children about religion while forced to keep them out of the actual light (due to their health conditions) and ward off some otherworldly intruders traipsing around their house. A scary, at times jump-inducing, horror film that isn’t afraid to take its time to set up its characters, its situation and the scares.
7. The Royal Tenenbaums – For everyone who wondered what the critics were raving about when Rushmore came out in 1998, well forget about it because it doesn’t even compare to how great director Wes Anderson and co-writer Owen Wilson’s follow-up would be. A perfect cast starts with Gene Hackman as the estranged father of a family of child prodigies (Ben Stiller, Luke Wilson and the adopted Gwyneth Paltrow) who looks to reenter their lives towards the end of his. Sounds like a disease-of-the-week movie, I know, but look again at that cast list (which also includes Bill Murray, Anjelica Huston, Owen Wilson and Danny Glover) and remember this is from the creators of Bottle Rocket and Rushmore, and you know its anything but. This is a first-rate, hilariously dark comedy steeped in both human richness and lonely sadness.
6. A Beautiful Mind – Russell Crowe may just give the best performance of the year and his career as the tortured mathematician John Nash whose battle with schizophrenia turned into a lifelong never-ending struggle. Director Ron Howard once again proves himself with an amazing job of telling this story without resorting to the aforementioned disease-of-the-week syndrome. A great ensemble (including Ed Harris and Jennifer Connelly) contribute to one of the most absorbing stories of the year full of stirring emotion, suspense and surprises.
5. A.I. Artificial Intelligence – Steven Spielberg’s love-it-or-hate-it science fiction tale of a robot boy (Haley Joel Osment) in the future programmed to love was the original baby of his friend, Stanley Kubrick. Some criticized its pace and gave the finger to its final 20 minutes, but I can’t understand how some labeled this a disaster when it has more ideas and stimulates more thought than even the majority of films that get the label of “thought-provoking.” Always amazing to look at, with some of the most beautiful and frightening images of the year, A.I. was challenging, scary and sad. It’s second viewing moved me to tears and never because of boredom. Haley Joel Osment gives one of the best performance of the years and this is a film that demands to be seen again, if only for a second chance.
4. Monsters, Inc. – Pixar did it again with this hilarious and awe-inspiring Christmas gift for audiences. The monsters that come out of your closets actually live in Monstropolis and pass over into our world to scare children in order to power their city. John Goodman and Billy Crystal do nice voicework as the two heroes (a lovable giant blue ape-like creature and his green one-eyed partner) trying to hide a human child in fear that she may be toxic. Contains the most exciting finale of any film (live-action or animated) this year and ends on an absolutely perfect fade-out. Wonderful entertainment for any age.
3. Ghost World – This is a film that deserves to be embraced by all that come in contact with it. Based on a comic book by Daniel Clowes, it tells the story of high school outsiders and best friends Enid (Thora Birch) and Rebecca (Scarlet Johannson). As Enid continually refuses to adapt to the fakeness of modern culture (and secretly saddened by leaving high school where she had her own place in the world), Rebecca begins to drift apart, wanting to plan for their future. Enid then meets the lonesome record collector, Seymour (Steve Buscemi) and through her attempts to get him a date, we become witness to one of the most special relationships all year in the movies. Birch has never been better, Buscemi is her equal and hopefully both will be staring down Oscar nominations in a few months. A testament to the lonesome outsider in all of us that is quirky, humorous and poetically touching. (In a year when poop was the cause celebre for comedy in a litter of brain-bankrupted screenwriters, Ghost World contains the single best flatulence joke of the year.)
2. Shrek – What more can you say about an animated film that gives Disney the finger at every possible turn? Shrek was a wonder to behold, an animated film with adult sensibilities that was also perfect viewing for children. Movies don’t get more wondrous to look at than this one and few are funnier. The all-star voicework of Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz and John Lithgow are all first-rate and the array of fairy tale cameos will make you think you’re watching an animated version of Robert Altman’s The Player. Laugh-out loud funny with a distinct edge and a nice uplifting message in the end smacks Disney right where it hurts. Up there in quality with Pixar’s Toy Story films and no question, one of the best films of this or any year.
1. Memento – I saw this movie back in March and I didn’t see a better film all year. Strikingly original and exceptionally well-written and directed by Christopher Nolan (in only his second feature), this plot twisting tale is told backwards, putting us in the shoes of the protagonist with short-term memory loss searching for his wife’s murderer. On the surface, this is as perfect a whodunit as you’re going to find, but its also an allegory about the way many of us live our lives, lying to ourselves so we may be happier. Guy Pierce and Joe Pantoliano had the most interesting partnership of the year and are both extraordinary. You may not catch all of it the first time around, but second, third, fourth and fifth viewings just make it all the better. THE best film of 2001!
SPECIAL MENTION
61* - Yes, this is the film that makes the list go to 11. Since it was a cable movie though, I couldn’t give it its own ranking. But it was still one of the best films I saw all year. Billy Crystal’s retelling of the famous home run race between Roger Maris (Barry Pepper) and Mickey Mantle (Thomas Jane) was as thrilling and fascinating as just about any theatrical release in 2001. One of the best baseball films I’ve ever seen and one of the best sports movies period! With a dream ensemble that included Richard Masur, Christopher MacDonald, Donald Moffat, Anthony Michael Hall, Bruce McGill, and Chris Bauer, this is a home run in storytelling that choked me up on several occasions. Covering the players, the sports writers and the fans, no stone is left unturned to tell an emotionally engaging story on every level.
5 Runner-Ups
11. Training Day – Denzel Washington’s incendiary performance drove this mostly on-the-money moral thriller about law and society through the eyes of a possibly corrupt cop and his first-day rookie partner. One big coincidence towards the end isn’t enough to deflate this well-scripted and surprisingly well-directed film by Antoine Fuqua (The Replacement Killers, Bait).
12. Made – Jon Favreau took to directing duty as well as writing this follow-up to Swingers for himself and buddy Vince Vaughn as two low-level mob wannabes given their first major assignment. Almost an equal to Swingers, Made was fast, hilarious and occasionally tension-filled. If possible, Vaughn even outdoes his role as Trent (or “T”) as the trouble-inducing, jet engine of a mouth to whom Favreau’s more low-key persona is loyal to. Funny supporting work by Peter Falk, Faizon Love and Sean “P. Diddy” Combs makes this one a small treasure.
13. Joy Ride – In a year when fast cars dominated the box office in the dumbest film in years (The Fast and the Furious), how did this superior thriller get overlooked by audiences. Steve Zahn and F&F’s Paul Walker are brothers who are stalked by an unseen truck driver after playing a practical joke. This was the best pure thriller of the year with an inspired performance as Zahn. For those who liked Duel, The Hitcher or Breakdown, go out and buy this DVD when it comes out.
14. The Tailor of Panama – In 2001 we had spy games and spy kids, but this was the best “spy” movie of the year. John Boorman’s adaptation of John Le Carre’s novel starred 007 himself as sort of the anti-Bond, a cynical CIA agent demoted down to Panama where he begins a game of information with one-time revolutionary Geoffrey Rush, now the best tailor in town. More a dark comedy than a shoot-bang action thriller, but also a very interesting commentary on the Reagan/Bush era of politics. Brosnan and Rush are both outstanding in this overlooked gem.
15. Series 7: The Contenders – For someone that ranks reality shows somewhere between the ten plagues and Hell, this film seemed like a perfect fit for me. And it was, but its also a dead-on satire of the Survivor-type “game shows” that will point out (hopefully) the preposterous nature of these “real life” shows. Instead of being voted off the island, here the object is to kill the other contestants kept within the city limits. Just like the actual shows, your loyalties to certain characters may shift as it progresses and while people are dying, you are still laughing. By the end if you’re hooked for Series 8, then it’s time to look in the mirror.
10 More Runner-Ups
16. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
17. Startup.Com
18. Tape
19. The Score
20. Enemy At the Gates
21. Heist
22. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
23. Shallow Hal
24. Monster's Ball
25. (tie) Heartbreakers & Bridget Jones’s Diary
SPECIAL POPCORN MENTIONS (The best of the simply pure popcorn flicks)
American Pie 2
Evolution
Jurassic Park III
The Mummy Returns
Ocean's Eleven
Other Films I Recommended This Year
Bandits, Black Hawk Down, Blow, Bubble Boy, Crazy/Beautiful, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, From Hell, Gosford Park, Jeepers Creepers, Josie and the Pussycats, The Majestic, Not Another Teen Movie, Riding In Cars With Boys, Spy Game, Spy Kids, With a Friend Like Harry, Zoolander
Not Quite Good Enough
Ali, America's Sweethearts, Hannibal, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Hearts In Atlantis, I Am Sam, K-PAX, Monkey Bone, Moulin Rouge, Mulholland Drive, O, The Pledge, Rat Race, Scary Movie 2, The Shipping News, Vanilla Sky
THE WORST OF THE YEAR (A much easier list to complete)
10. Waking Life – Imagine being at the worst cocktail party of your life where all the guests are stoned to the gills and talking about pretentious pseudo-intellectual psycho-babble. That is the experience I had watching this film. Thank god it was at home because I would have been throwing things at the screen and then turned on anyone calling it “art” who tried to stop me. Animation that is interesting for about five minutes becomes nothing more a midnight show for stoners. If this was an actual party that I was at, I would have opened fire.
9. Domestic Disturbance – Lazy filmmaking in its purest film, the domestic thriller. Did someone pick this screenplay out of the back of an appendix from a Syd Field book? John Travolta is concerned real dad. Vince Vaughn is new evil dad with a past. Steve Buscemi is his old partner who shows up to blackmail, die and be seen by the son whom no one believes because he gets out of playing baseball games but stowing away in cop cars. No suspense. Nothing new. A waste of everyone’s time. Buscemi got knifed during the making of this film. It’s a shame someone didn’t get the screenwriter.
8. Behind Enemy Lines – Another music video/commercial director is given the reigns of a major action/war film and it turns into one of the biggest unintentional comedies of the year. Owen Wilson and Gene Hackman are wasted on a ludicrous script made all the more worse by John Moore’s incompetent chest-thumping patriotic direction. Yay America! Fuck this movie!
7. Double Take – Before Evolution became the only movie I found Orlando Jones funny in (outside of his 7-Up commercials), he co-starred in this with the ten-times as annoying Eddie Griffin who gives one of the most grating performances of all time in this unfunny, insulting flick. The fact that this film was one of the very first to open in 2001 and still managed to out-suck all but six of the year’s crappiest films is saying something.
6. Valentine – Another early entry in the Ashlyn Gere, or suck hard department was this five-years-too-late slasher flick. Releasing a film of this type in the post-Scream era takes either more balls than necessary to fill up the Sea of Tranquility or less brains than the people who made it. A high school geek begins murdering the girls who were mean to him in high school. Hard to root against him when the same girls (10 years later) are still bitches. Not scary, no mystery to the killer’s identity, but perhaps worth it to see Denise Richards take a drill Body Double-style in a jacuzzi.
5. Driven – THIS was Stallone’s pet project over the last couple of years. More people understood my appreciation of Days of Thunder after seeing this turkey. With performances not worthy of grade school theater (Kip Pardue!!!? Estella Warren!?!?!?), ridiculous racing sequences (competitors are ordered one time to help out a fellow racer who flew off the track and into a nearby pond) and cliches-grande, Renny Harlin may have created such a disaster to prove that even his Cutthroat Island wasn’t THIS bad. If you are looking to rent a comedy though, Driven is a hundred times funnier than the next film on this list.
4. Tomcats – What can you say about a film where a doctor accidentally eats a cancerous testicle that he removed from one of the biggest misogynist pigs on the planet? How about EW EW EW!!! Five guys make a bet on who will be the last one to get married. Hijinks ensue when one of the two finalists loses his shirt in Vegas and has to get the other one to marry Shannon Elizabeth. (How does she continue to get work without taking her clothes off?) Jerry O’Connell and Jake Busey are painfully unfunny in this film and does anyone other than me think Horatio Sanz is an unfunny twelfth-dub fourteenth cousin to John Belushi? Offensive I can usually deal with. No laughs is something much worse.
3. Glitter – Did you notice that the closer this film got to being released, the crazier (and more exhausted) Mariah Carey got? The craziest thing about the whole phenomenon is that Mariah isn’t the worst thing about the film. Oh she’s bad, all right. VERY BAD! But someone please tell the next film that actor Max Beesley is doing, so that I can properly schedule a sniper. This guy is so horrendous, so hateful (as an actor and a character) that I wanted to walk up to the screen and slug him in the nuts until he died. That on top of everything was just a ridiculous film, set in the early 80s before videos became “sexy”, yet there’s Mariah running around in her underwear again. Oh yeah, and Da Brat, get Da Hell Outta Here!
2. Just Visiting – The Knight’s Code took its first hit in April of this year with this John Hughes co-scripted remake of the French film Les Visiteurs. A knight and his servant are transported into modern time so that they may throw garbage, eat lipstick, fart and bathe. High-concept comedy! Not a single laugh to be found anywhere. How long was this film sitting on the shelf looking for a release date? Having been filmed in Chicago, stars Jean Reno and Christina Applegate were at the Chicago premiere of The Phantom Menace (in 1999!!!).
1. A Knight's Tale – The Knight’s Code took its second and most fatal hit just a month later with the release of this absolute debacle of a film. As I wrote back then, “A Knight’s Tale is a boil on the festering malignant state of the cinema and it should be lanced immediately,” I knew it just couldn’t get any worse in 2001 and it didn’t. Like Julie Taymor’s amazing production of Shakespeare’s “Titus” in 1999, Brian Helgeland’s disaster employed anachronistic music and catch-phrases to this repetitive, unexciting jousting flick that was more like Titus for titheads. Anachronism is OK, but you can’t have it both ways and try to take your story serious too. Shannyn Sossamon was an absolute embarrassment as the love interest and Heath Ledger couldn’t hold the attention of a cartoon laughing hyena strapped in Clockwork Orange-style. Paul Bettany was able to escape later this year with a terrific performance in Ron Howard’s A Beautiful Mind and I liked Laura Fraser as the spunky blacksmith who couldn’t get the time of day from our “hero” here, but I prayed that this film would end careers.
SPECIAL LOSER AWARD
Black Knight – Last year Dude, Where’s My Car? took this award as a film that I only saw half of but deserved to be listed amongst the worst I had seen. This year, Martin Lawrence’s Black Knight takes the cake. While waiting to see another film, I saw the first 40 minutes of this garbage, but developed stomach pains and had to go to the bathroom. Whether the cause was the chicken sandwich I had for dinner or the movie, I leave for you to decide. Either way, I salute you Black Knight for putting the final nail in the coffin of the Knight’s Code. And Martin Lawrence – You Suck!
Runners-Up
11. Soul Survivors – Jacob’s Ladder for idiots actually more closely resembles “Soultaker”, a film skewered not long ago on Mystery Science Theater 3000.
12. The Glass House – Leelee Sobieski half-notes herself (in a truly horrible performance) against crazy Stellan Skarsgård in yet another domestic thriller. Only slightly better than Domestic Disturbance because Skarsgard is freakishly entertaining.
13. 13 Ghosts – Shannon Elizabeth again co-starring in a bad flick, this time with saliva-spouting Matthew Lillard in a haunted house movie that is the Anti-“Others” – loud, violent, LOUD, LOUDER, boring and LOUDEST! Did I mention how LOUD this movie was? And only one decent quality kill.
14. Rock Star – Mark Wahlberg gives the second of two bad performances in 2001 in this pseudo-factual story about the replacement of Judas Priest’s lead singer with that of a cover band. Wahlberg’s character is completely unlikable and the movie is just about unwatchable. We’ve seen this done before, even done better in bad rock movies.
15. Original Sin – Almost worth a look for the ridiculous poker playing scene where Angelina Jolie walks around the table giving third-base signals to Antonio Banderas. Other than that, it’s lame-brained romance novel drivel that needs to work harder to aspire to the level of a daytime soap opera on Telemundo.
16. Say It Isn't So – After about ten minutes of decent laughs, this film sputters on a bankable comic concept – INCEST! Comedy film kiss-of-death Orlando Jones is awful while Chris Klein and Heather Graham show absolutely no chemistry, no comedic skills, and barely any signs of being alive. Watch the dinner scene at the beginning of the film and then turn it off.
17. The Curse of the Jade Scorpion – Save for Charlize Theron’s brief performance – this is Woody Allen’s worst film, period. Nuff said. (And this is coming from a Woody Allen fan.)
18. 3000 Miles to Graceland – We were all looking forward to gun-toting Elvis impersonating thieves with Kurt Russell paying homage once again to the king, but after the Vegas heist (where unlike Ocean’s Eleven – they shred the place to death with bullets) this film goes nowhere fast, which is a shame because the faster you get out of this movie, the better.
19. The Mexican – With a script that was unfilmable in its current stage, director Gore Verbinski limps this overlong mess of a comedy wasting the comic abilities of Brad Pitt and a better-than-this-movie deserved performance from James Gandolfini. Julia Roberts’ character was as irritating and unlikable as any lead female this year and even a late cameo from Gene Hackman isn’t enough to wake you up from this unfunny, garbage pile.
20. Snatch – Speaking of Brad Pitt, he was the only thing worth seeing in Guy Ritchie’s virtual remake of his overrated Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Ritchie is one of the worst name directors working today and this Snatch stinks worse than his wife’s (Madonna).
21. Freddy Got Fingered – The most underappreciated film of 2001! Whatever. Practical joke or not, after about 20 minutes of just pushing the limit, this comedy becomes anything but funny. Tom Green shot his career in the foot with this one and its not even worth seeing as a curiosity.
22. Head Over Heels – You got Freddie Prinze Jr. and Monica Potter, two of the vacant pretty face screen presences working today. Put them together and you’ve got one bad movie. Saved from being much worse only by one or two comedic moments by the gaggle of roommate supermodels – who, naturally, are destined to be covered in excrement by the time the film is over.
23. Someone Like You – Ah, yes. Another romantic comedy where men are evil, women are neurotic and its always the man’s fault. Ashley Judd continues to make the worst career choices imaginable and this is yet another film of this type that even Hugh Jackman can’t save.
24. Hardball – An interesting true life story is turned into formulaic Hollywood feel-good trash complete with third-act tragedy. A BAD Bad News Bears ‘N’ the Hood written by John Gatins, the star of Leprechaun 3 and writer of the Freddie Prinze Jr. baseball flick, Summer Catch. You do the math.
25. The Last Castle – Imprisoned military hero Robert Redford doesn’t like James Gandolfini’s warden methods. So he gets his gang of armed forces murderers, thieves and rapists to revolt by building a small rock wall and using homemade hidden catapults. Does this sound ridiculous to anyone else?
More Runners-Up
American Outlaws
Corky Romano
Don't Say a Word
Fat Girl
Kate and Leopold
Legally Blonde
The Musketeer
Pearl Harbor
Tomb Raider
Not Quite Bad Enough
15 Minutes, Along Came a Spider, Angel Eyes, Atlantis: The Lost City, Cats & Dogs, Exit Wounds, The Fast and the Furious, The Forsaken, Joe Dirt, John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars, Life As a House, The Man Who Wasn't There, Planet of the Apes, Rush Hour 2, Saving Silverman, Serendipity, Sexy Beast, Sugar and Spice, Sweet November, Swordfish
Did Not See
The Affair of the Necklace, Amores Perros, The Animal, The Anniversary Party, Antitrust, Baby Boy, Behind the Sun, Bones, Bride of the Wind, The Brothers, The Business of Strangers, Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Charlotte Gray, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, The Deep End, The Devil's Backbone, The Dish, Doctor Dolittle 2, Down to Earth, Get Over It, Happy Accidents, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, How High, In The Bedroom, Innocence, Iris, Iron Monkey, Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, Joe Somebody, Kingdom Come, Kiss of the Dragon, Max Keeble's Big Move, The Million Dollar Hotel, My First Mister, New Port South, No Man's Land, Novocaine, On the Line, The One, One Night at McCool's, Osmosis Jones, OutCOLD, Pinero, Pokemon 3, Pootie Tang, The Princess And The Warrior, The Princess Diaries, Recess: School's Out, Save the Last Dance, See Spot Run, Sidewalks of New York, Songcatcher, Summer Catch, Texas Rangers, Tortilla Soup, Town and Country, Two Can Play That Game, The Wash, The Wedding Planner, What's the Worst That Could Happen?
link directly to this feature at http://hollywoodbitchslap.com/feature.php?feature=476
originally posted: 12/27/01 19:29:47
last updated: 01/02/02 16:19:10
![[printer]](/images/icon/printer.gif) printer-friendly format
|
Articles 
subscribe to this feed
